Level setting

I have so many images of her and I rattling around in my head, all smiles really.   There are of course plenty of days with tension and anxiety and fears. Emanating from both of us from our varying perspectives.  Both sides true and real to each of us, just not understood by the other I think.  That created tension and distrust and worst of all I fear it created doubt.  We may have started to have quiet doubts. Doubts about our place in the others life, doubts about the life stretching before us. Doubts about our abilities or fitness for a larger role.  Some of these were self-perpetuating in that one thought reinforced the negative thought in the other person and back and forth.  A spiral in may ways.  She took care to want to have level setting conversations on how “we” were doing.  I did not understand that need to talk as much and early on dismissed it and struggled with that notion.  It took time for me to start to open up and even embrace those discussions.  I see now I should have been more trusting and open about my fears in those moments and not hide them...