Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Early journal days pt 1

10/24/2016
I can’t shake how slow I feel. Exercise seems to shift my mind away from the pain I feel.  Not sure its pain or if it is anxiety.  I miss her deeply. I should call her, or should have anyway.  Lots of wine on the way tonight, hope it helps some.  A hug would be better.

10/26/2016
Wine was a bad idea that night, drank way too much had to walk home and pass out.  People are starting to notice I am not myself and I am doing my best to put on a show.  Thankfully I have a busy work life and it takes most of my time right now but I am not focusing.  Maybe I can hang at work longer and try to laugh a little more.

10/31/2016 11pm
Halloween is here and I wonder what she was doing tonight, She had the kids, did she walk around with them?  Did she let them stay at her ex-husbands house and stay home alone, or go out on a date? I can’t think about it, I am the zombie in plain clothes tonight.

11/2/2016  11pm
Seeking Healing

Stop looking for love
Stop thinking Love is unattainable
Its not about true love either
Be someone who is capable of loving

Do I give with my heart
Can I recall feeling like I had
I feel like I have given with my whole heart
I know I have lots of love to give
Does it expire

There has to be a expiration date for love
You can not return it to the sender
You can’t box it up and put it on a shelf for later
You have to embrace it and own it and give or receive it
Or lose it

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