Flash back to a bad day

Flash back to a bad day.

She had a procedure which required sedation so she needed a ride to and from the hospital.  I was of course going to take her, but it was my week with my daughter so I could not sleep with her that night and take her in the morning. I asked what time the appointment was and it was earlier than I expected, and I showed some concerns about making it to her appointment in time.  She suggested I change my routine and drop my daughter off at her cousins extra early and they could feed and get her to school.  I did not like that notion.  I made it work and got my daughter to school on time and did not have to majorly alter my schedule.  I think she felt that she was intruding on MY life, which re-enforced that we had separate lives.  I know I was gruff as we parked as the parking was lame and not clearly marked.  She was all woozy from little sleep and throwing up in the morning so my gruffness was again, - I fear now - something that she felt was her fault.  I had a lot of work to do that day. It was the first day of a major initiative I had been planning for 6 months.  I had to be a participant so I worked from home all day until she needed to be picked up, to which I made sure I was in the waiting room on time. They came called my cell phone but I was already in the waiting room thinking that they wanted me there, they said no go run to get your car and call back so I know when you are outside.  So I did, ran back and drove around.  Annie was wheeled down and was not happy, I assumed from the medication she was likely coming out of, but there was something else there.  There had been a moment when we checked in and the nurse asked if I was her husband, but more like “…and your husband will be picking you up?” gesturing to me. I saw her feel the weight of that question as she mustered the courage to say "no he’s just my boyfriend".  It did not occur to me that it might have had deeper meaning until later.
BREAK UP EMAILS. How fucking lame is that?  I was so mad that she suggested that I was not there for her and because I obviously don’t care that we should go our separate ways.  Livid.  I should have let it rest or called or something.  I see now that she was hurt by my lack of support later that day, but I only reacted and fought.  Those words “we should go our separate ways” were the basis for most of my fears of abandonment.  I always feared that people who loved me would/could leave and this was the second time she said she wanted to leave me.   How could she say that?  Not just a goddamm it get over here please, or I really need a hug.  The fear that She would leave me one day for something small had been present after the first year we were dating when we had strong difficult conversations about marriage.  After those heated and passionate discussions I had in the back of my mind that if she can just call it quits over this then why would being married be that much different? What was it about a ring, that would ease her fears or trust issues?  I felt that a ring or marriage certificate was not a band-aid for our issues.  I am not sure I ever said it that way to her. If I did I know it was not in a collaborative manner but probably defensive and heated. 
The tragic irony for me is that in preparing to get a remodel started, I looked for housing nearby and voila!  We easily could have lived together all of us. I had not plan but it was attainable.  That our simple distance issue could have been resolved so easily is tormenting.  We were really the best when we had each other close.  SO sad.