Stumbling along.
It is December and I still have days where I can only weep (like today) at the loss of my friend and partner. The Well with in us all that can fill with Joy and Sorrow, in me is out of balance and over flowing with sorrow. Having had so much time to review my actions, and my feelings, and patterns over the years, I see how our issues were tiny and completely solvable had we had the ability to clearly see them, and define the baggage we were bringing with us in to our lives together. She is a therapist, we had the tools between us to do that. If I had written out mine I could have given her my loving thoughts and future plans on paper. I was a mess when we met and she helped pull me out of my darkest place and gave me strength. Now in my new lowest darkest place I cannot rely on her and I feel totally alone as a result. It adds a level of despair to my already grieving heart.
At least I am exploring this pain in the hope I grow from it. Its not a noble thing or something to praise, its something I think I have to do to survive this and whatever comes next.
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